Learn a song | Advice for New Dads | Dad Chat Forums

Learn a song to song to baby the first time you hold her.

Singing is marginally less painful than goo goo-ing (at least you’ve done that before in your life) and you want your kid to be cool, so you gotta plan and have the right song ready to go. In the modern age, centuries after Mozart, Bach and Beethoven, you don’t want your child’s first cultural experience to be Mary Had a Little Lamb.

I figure there are a couple of styles of songs you can go with. Old, 1930-1950’s songs. Maybe some Sinatra. Little Richard. Cab Calloway's Minnie the Moocher. That kind of thing. Something common enough that they'll hear it later in life and think warmly of their old dad. Or you could pick a solid rock song that won’t stress your vocal chords. Something Eddie Vedder could handle. This is likely, however, to sound ridiculous to others that are listening to you sing, particularly if you are singing “Jeremy” or “Better Man” or something like that to a 20-minute old person. Also, remember that if you imprint a song on your child, you probably will have to break this song out in public from time to time in an effort to calm the child down. Accordingly, it may be safest to pick a nice ironic song that your friends will recognize as such. Singable metal works here. “No More Tears” by Ozzy Osborne. “More Than Words” by Extreme. Something like that. Something that once you start singing, your buddies will smile at you, your baby will smile at you, and you won’t feel bad about continuing.

Don’t brush this off.

This is not a joke.

This is the FIRST CULTURAL EXPERIENCE OF YOUR OFFSPRING’S ENTIRE LIFETIME. Are you ready for it?

Do NOT underestimate the importance of this. I did not plan properly and sang a Broadway showtune to my son and now there’s a 50/50 shot he’s gay. I literally halved the boy’s testosterone with three minutes of singing. Don’t make the same mistake I did.