Things are changing and more and more of us men are taking on the role of full-time dad. But being a stay at home dad (SAHD) is hard work and is not like any other normal job. So here is some advice from dads who have done it.
1. BE PREPARED – GO IN WITH YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN
“When my wife and I first started discussing reducing my work hours to spend a few days a week at home with the girl, I naively envisioned scenes of the girl colouring away contentedly at her play table while I whiled away the day completing a thousand different projects for a hundred different clients. HA! In retrospect, I can see now why some people had funny little grins on their faces when I told them my plan. They were the parents. They knew better.” says Clint.
2. BE PROUD OF YOUR DECISION
Although there are more SAHDs out there, that doesn’t mean there won’t be some people who don’t understand the concept of you staying home while your wife goes to the office each day. There are people out there that when they see a man staying home with his kids, they automatically think, ‘he’s an unemployed loser’. Says SAHD Craig. You have to be comfortable with your decision and not let it get to you.”So whether it was a financial move or a lifestyle change, hold your head up high and let everyone know you’re happy being Mr. Mom.
3. UNDERSTAND A CHILD’S NEED FOR CONSISTENCY AND ROUTINE
“Children need routine and consistency. You have to be consistent in the way you behave, the way you discipline and the way you do things day-to-day.” Says SAHD UK
If children don’t know what is happening or what to expect they will get very confused and upset. This will lead to bad behaviour, irritable tempers and very frustrated children.
By having a regular routine and definite rules your children will understand what is going on and will know what is expected of them.
Of course the routine is not set in stone and doesn’t need to be exact to the minute, but you do need a general schedule for each day and to keep certain things like meal times, bath times and bedtimes at roughly the same time every day.
4. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE?
Being stuck in the house with children all day every day is enough to make you go stir-crazy, so try to get out of the house as much as you can.
Kids love getting outside and there are loads of places you can take them to such as parks, play centres, shops, libraries, museums, swimming pools, toddler groups, children’s gyms, farms and zoos.
The benefits of getting out are great, it means some exercise for you and the children, lots of stimulation, learning new things, having new experiences and meeting and interacting with people. Also children will learn how to behave in the outside world and will watch how others behave.
The other big advantage of going out is that there is a lot less mess in the house to clear up when you get back.
5. MAKE TIME FOR “ME”
It’s easy to think your whole world needs to revolve around the kids, but that can lead to some serious burnout.
It’s important to keep your own interests and hobbies so you can retain some sense of identity, rather than just being ‘dad’ all the time.
A common problem of being with young children all the time is the lack of adult stimulation and challenges, which can result in ‘mushy brain syndrome’.
Love to read? Make the time to enjoy a good book while the kids nap. Want to work out? Take advantage of the gym’s free babysitting services or ask a friend to watch the little ones for an hour (you can return the favor later on).
If you take some time for yourself, you’ll have a clearer head and be able to better focus on the family.
6. ENJOY YOUR TIME
Being a stay at home dad is tough, tiring, demanding work. It is also very rewarding and fulfilling but often those feelings can be overwhelmed by the long days and nights of constant caring. So it is important to try and have some fun and appreciate the time that you spend with your kids. They grow up very fast and you don’t want to regret not making the most of the time you had with them.
7. LET DIRTY DISHES LIE
“Just because you are at home with the kids doesn’t mean you have to be a “homemaker” says Dadventure.
“Being a stay at home Dad, like being a stay at home Mom, is not synonymous with being the primary homemaker. It’s still the responsibility of the entire family to make sure a household runs smoothly.
I never expected my wife to have the house spotless and dinner made when I was working fulltime and she was home with the girl, and fortunately she doesn’t expect the same. However, when my adventure began, I was surprised to find myself feeling guilty for not having a meal ready when Mom got home, and it took awhile to lose the guilt associated with having a fireplace mantel coated with dust. That’s not to say I don’t do any housework or cook a meal – far from it.”
8. LIVE IN THE MOMENT
One of the amazing things about having kids is that they force you to re-examine the everyday world because the everyday world is so new and exciting for them. GO with it. Become a kid again!
9. CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES
“If you want your toddler to go to nursery in colour coordinated T-shirt and trousers but he wants to wear just his underpants, let him. The freezing cold weather, the mocking stares from his peers, the fact that his undies are too big because they’re hand-me-downs from his brother will soon dawn on him as the less-enlightened of his decisions and in no time he’ll be begging you to dress him in whatever outfit you decide.” says Reluctant Housedad
10. DON’T BE AFRAID TO USE THE ULTIMATE SANCTION
If all else fails, threaten them with the six words that instil fear into whatever child of whatever age. Wait. ‘Til. Your. Mother. Gets. Home!
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Wow, I’ve been a SAHD for nearly two months now, and I’d say I’ve figured out about half of these…my wife’s not so much for the dirty dishes part. Thanks for the tips!